far back in time.

I would say that one of my biggest vices is, without doubt, travel. There's just something about traveling, seeing new places, contacting with realities different from our own. It is curious that someone like me, so attached to my own space, enjoys so much fast changes, like moving away from what is actually known to dive into the unknown. I think that it justifies exactly some of the decisions I made throughout my life, all the radical changes that I made and all the extreme decisions that I took.

I also like to return to places that I have visited a long time ago. That nostalgia from the past comes every now and then, that brokenness feeling that makes us look back again into what's gone. Last Sunday, I walked back in time, possibly four years. In my own time and on others time, which far predate mine. Mafra is suh a picturesque place, no doubt. Beginning with tourism, gastronomy and handicrafts. I revisited the Mafra Palace and the surrounding area. It is essential to visit these landmarks, if only just to enjoy the architectural beauty they represent. I think is the best way to contact with not only our culture but also with the entire history of our country. Speaking for myself, I can't help feeling just somehow different walking into all those rooms and going down all those aisles. There is actually something that makes us feel different, in a derisory way.

So these are just some random pictures I shot inside the palace. Thus, expect more photos in the next posts.

ghosts.

We are simple ghosts. Shadows from the past, dust to the future.

i wish.

Sometimes I wish things were just a little different.

shopping last weekend.

Last weekend I went out shopping and bought a few new items that I actually needed. I was looking for such a long time for some flat oxford shoes since I own already a pair, but on high heels. And for college, of course, I don’t like to take heels, especially in the Winter when wearing heels would be kind of tricky. So I ended up buying these flat shoes in black, which are super duper comfortable. It was also a great chance to take a peak at boot trends and to have a general idea of the type of boots that I’ll have to choose from.

Following my latest obsession, I ended up getting new over the knee socks, which I absolutely love and can’t wait to wear. I think that they’ll be just amazing with my new shoes, some high-waisted denim shorts and a loose big woollen jacket. I bought also a new Moleskine agenda which I hopelessly needed to just keep track of all my appointments and college related things. About clothes, I don't think I'm going to do much shopping, at least until I figure out what I really need, and once I've gone through all my Fall/Winter clothes. I’ll probably just get some Winter high-waisted trousers.

And that was it, all my shopping for this weekend.

latest obssession: over the knee socks.

20 years.

Twenty years now. Twenty years since the first smile, the first tear, the first challenge. Twenty years of persistence, of victories but also of some setbacks, twenty years of existence, sometimes peaceful and pacified, sometimes a storm.
I would lie if I said I've learned nothing. Every day I learn something, every day life presents me with a new teaching in the form of experiences, emotions, feelings. I've learned to smile through adversity, I've learned that things aren't lost forever. I've learned to love the same way I've learned to forgive. I've learned that friendships are priceless, and that this small worlds that are so big and important to me, gravitate and will forever gravitate around me. I've learned the importance of time in its ephemerality, I've learned to stand up after falling. I've learned and relearned to fight with vigor and dedication towards what I believe. I've learned to defend myself, I've learned how to come back stronger, like a unyielding wall. I've learned to dream and then believe. I've learned to suffer before the bitterness of life, but I've also learned to live without yearnings, without fear of the future or regrets about the past. I've learned lessons that I will keep with me for life, just as I've learned erring is human. I've learned that some things are simply part of life, whether we like it or not.
I know that's still a lot to come. Some things will take me forever to learn as there are things that your heart still does not assimilate. I know I'll never learn to lose those I love and that their departure will always be a burden on my heart. I know I'll never give up and continue, battle after battle, to win the final war.
In 20 years I'll know more.

#2 letter to your crush.

Dear one,

We have never met, that’s the purest true about this. You don’t know me and I don’t know you. Sometimes I even wonder if you exist, if you are as real as I picture; if your smile is as dazzling and breath taking as I imagine; if your voice is as peaceful and serene as I hear; if your arms around me are as tighten as I feel; if your soul is as lovely and enchanting as I would want it to be; if your lips taste like winter mornings spent on bed; if you breathe in my neck is as burning as fire on ice; if your hand holding my hand, without ever letting it go, is the epitome of our true love.
You belong in my dreams, in my silent and unspoken thoughts.
If only you would exist.

not like that.

Is it really necessary? I just feel like crawling right now into my bed and staying there until I don't have to wake up at 6 AM every damm Monday. And Tuesday. And Friday as well. Like the song says, just wake me up when September ends. Or just don't do that at all.

let you go.

you shall not pass.

But I did.

#1 letter to your best friend.

Dear 'best friend',

If there was anything that I've learned throught out all this time was that there are no scales to measure the degree of a relationship we have with a particular person. Perhaps it's because of that reason I don't like to categorize people. Or simply because for me this designation does not make any sense. Perhaps because it no longer inspires any confidence on me, perhaps because it reflects experiences of the past.
I cannot nor I want to name someone as my best friend. I do not feel that is something categorical, decisive. The world continues to spin nonetheless. However, this reluctance is justified and weighted: I am fortunate to have the best friends, not just one but all in all their diversity. I am fortunate enough to have your company along this journey, without ever letting me back, never doubting me or my motives. And because of that I'll thank you from the bottom of my heart for sticking by my side in setbacks and for proving that friendship is something stronger and truer than anything else. When everyone that was by my side failed on me, were actually the ones that were away that supported and stayed by my side until today. That proved me a lot of different things, things that I would never thought of: a true friendship is stronger that any barries and when it comes down to adversity, time, space, distance, doens't matter at all. I ended up realizing that nothing of this matters, when the bond that we share is true, whole-hearted, unique.
Thank you for loving me and never holding it back.

i will be writing to you.

#1 LETTER Your Best Friend
#2 LETTER Your Crush
#3 LETTER Your parents
#4 LETTER Your sibling (or closest relative)
#5 LETTER Your dreams
#6 LETTER A stranger
#7 LETTER Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
#8 LETTER Your favorite internet friend
#9 LETTER Someone you wish you could meet
#10 LETTER Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
#11 LETTER A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
#12 LETTER The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
#13 LETTER Someone you wish could forgive you
#14 LETTER Someone you’ve drifted away from
#15 LETTER The person you miss the most
#16 LETTER Someone that’s not in your state/country
#17 LETTER Someone from your childhood
#18 LETTER The person that you wish you could be
#19 LETTER Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
#20 LETTER The one that broke your heart the hardest
#21 LETTER Someone you judged by their first impression
#22 LETTER Someone you want to give a second chance to
#23 LETTER The last person you kissed
#24 LETTER The person that gave you your favorite memory
#25 LETTER The person you know that is going through the worst of times
#26 LETTER The last person you made a pinky promise to
#27 LETTER The friendliest person you knew for only one day
#28 LETTER Someone that changed your life
#29 LETTER The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
#30 LETTER Your reflection in the mirror

new horizons.

At some point in our lives, there will be the need for change. Sometimes this change is simply caused by new challenges, new perspectives, new directions that we take in this thing that we call life. Other times, it's change itself that propels us against it, calling us softly, diligencing us to go without fear or other torments. For me it is a mix of both. A new start, I suppose, also a new decade. This change marks a new start in which the past is a book read and reread and where the future is no more than a book with blank, nude pages. It's not uncertainty that scares me or even the unknown. I fear nothing, perhaps naively, letting myself go int the gentle lull of life, into this changing existence.